


I'm a Monster

by Rinki724



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Human Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Loss of Control, M/M, Vampire Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Vampire Logic | Logan Sanders, Vampire Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:35:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinki724/pseuds/Rinki724
Summary: Blood lust was heavy, control was lost. One misstep, and they will soon strike. I'm a monster....so please stay away.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Kudos: 99





	I'm a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting here...but had been writing and rereading this story for a while and thought that I should just share it. Hope you guys like it, and I'm not opposed to criticisms.

He’s turning, he knows he is. His breath was growing rapidly, his vision was getting blurry even with his glasses tipping on his nose, he feels hot then cold, both in and out, and his throat was throbbing painfully, he feels so… _thirsty_.

He knew he should have gone with Roman and Patton, knew that he had to stay away from the house, knew that he had to control it…before he does anything unforgivable.

He tried to get up and get away from his room, but his legs were wobbly and weak that he came back crashing down, making a few things from his desk fall and break…he was losing it.

He flinched when he saw light emitting from his door. He couldn’t see nor focus on who it was, but he knows that he must get away from them before they get hurt, “s-stay…away” he warned from in between gasps, voice raspy and eyes prickling.

He was panicking, the person was walking even closer to him, not taking his worried warning. The person was talking, but he couldn’t hear it from all the ringing in his ears. Logan tried to get as far as he can but before he could, the person before him made a grave mistake… _they placed their hand on his shoulder_. His vision turned dangerously red, he could no longer focus on everything, all he remembers is that he lounges on this person and started to bite and drink from him.

He held the person in a tight grip, that from the looks of it they were trying to fight back, but he could no longer care; all of this is on his instincts. Once the person’s blood touched his tongue…he really could no longer stop. The blood tasted so _sweet_ yet oddly _plain_ , flowing with endless flavors. It seems to lack in _iron_ , making it taste better. The blood tasted so new and unique, but the aroma of the person seemed too familiar making it a big red flag but still…he continued.

He grinned internally to notice that the person had stop pushing and fighting and is now slowly losing conscious, feeling them flinched bit by bit, and he continued still. He knows that he should stop, he’s going to kill this person, but the new taste of blood was so addicting that he just had to have it all… _Every. Single. Drop_ , “L-Lo…” he flinched back to reality, it got him shocking to notice the voice, that he quickly pulled away.

He paled at the sight…and to what he had done. He almost drained Virgil – his roommate, his trusted companion, his lover – dry. His eyes were blindly distant, and his face was paler than it usually looked. His breath was getting slower as he strives to try and stay awake.

Logan cradled him, shake him and tried to make him respond back, “V-Virgil…n-no. Oh god, p-please no…” he was panicking watching as Virgil looked back at him with tired distant eyes and was now slowly closing, “no! no! Virgil! Stay awake, please stay awake! Roman! Patton! Help me!” he cried out not knowing if the other two vampires were even there.

He continued to cradle his lover in his arms, continued to whisper non-sense, continue to try and tell himself that he’s going to makes it…but he knows that he’s slowly losing him.

Minutes later his door banged open – not remembering it being close – breaking from the burst of strength.

He saw Roman, face filled with sweat, paled in shock seeing the scene before him, “w-wha…” “Virgil!” he was cut off by Patton – who stood right near the door – rushing inside the room to check on his unconscious roommate. Logan let him take Virgil out of his arms, not wanting to danger the young human longer, “p-please…help him” he pleaded and saw Patton carried him bridely and quickly rushed out of the room.

Logan continued to stare distantly in shock, he just couldn’t believe it. He had tried to end Virgil, the person who trusted him the most, who had open to the most, who continued to befriend him even though others think of him as a monster… _but he is a monster_.

He felt someone’s strong grip on his shoulders. He looked up to see Roman with a concerned look, “it’s going to be okay…” _it won’t_ , “Virgil will be fine and I’m sure he’ll forgive you…” _no he won’t_ , “this isn’t your fault…” _it is, and I won’t forgive myself_.

He shivered from his fear and panic that he’s losing himself again. He felt himself getting pulled into an embrace. Roman held him and assured him, engulfing him in his coldish warmth. With that, it finally hit him.

He returned the tight embrace, burying his face and sobbed at his friend’s shoulder, saying nonstop apologies and how much it was his fault, “ssshh…it’s alright. It wasn’t your fault, we should have been here for you. Knowing how much you lose yourself from your instincts in this time of year” Roman whispered as he continued to comfort his friend, rubbing his back and listen to his cries, “p-please…” Logan pleaded, but Roman already knows what he wants, “alright…but until it passes. We need you to be here…for Virgil” he added.

Logan hesitated, he doesn’t want to face Virgil after all that happened. Even if Virgil forgave him, he could never forgive himself. He knows about all his lover’s bad conditions, his _insomnia_ , his _anxiety_ , and him being _anemic_ , but he couldn’t even stop himself as soon as his blood touched his tongue. Just remembering it wanted to make him vomit it all out.

Even so, it has already been done and they can no longer change it. Logan nodded and whispered back a little ‘okay’. Roman smiled and pulled away from the embrace. He took Logan’s hand and dragged him downstairs passing from Patton’s room – where Virgil is – and led him to the deep basement where they always use it as a ‘safety bunker’…mostly for Logan.

Logan entered the dark basement and watched as Roman slowly closed the metal door, “I’ll see you after the blood moon…” he said as he fully closed and locked the metal door, letting Logan succumbed in darkness. Finally dropping to his knees, crying and letting his instincts fully take over.

~~

It felt like months, no, it felt more like years being in the darkness. Banging, screaming, scratching, but slowly coming back to sanity. His whole-body hurts, but he knows that he deserves it. He couldn’t even compare this to what an almost near-death experience that he bestowed upon Virgil… _his Virgil._

He flinched as he heard the metal door creak open, squinting his eyes as it tries to adjust in the sudden light. He sees someone step down the stairs but couldn’t clearly make out who without his glasses. He sees the blurry image walking closer, reaching out their hand.

He flinched away, covering his face in panic, trying not to cause any more harm to others, “it’s okay Lo…it’s just me…” the calm voice came through to him as he moved his hand away from his face and look at the person in front of him, “P-Pat…?” he spoke, flinching from the sound of his croaky broken voice. Patton giggled, “yeah, its me. Time to get out now kiddo” he reached out his hand again and placed it on Logan’s shoulder.

Logan hesitated, knowing well on what will happen next. Patton saw this expression, so he came closer to Logan and gently put him to a soft hug, “its going to be okay, Lo. This wasn’t your fault, it never was” he said as he gently rubbed circles at his naked back avoiding the clearly bloody scars near it, “I-it is Patton. I-I did this. I c-couldn’t control it, c-couldn’t stop f-feeding, I t-tried to drain him. I-I…” he choked on his words, sobbing at his friend’s shoulders, recalling the bad memories that will forever hunt and scar him. Patton shushed him and assured him, till the young vampire had stopped crying.

Patton dragged Logan to the bathroom letting him bathe and change. Once finished he gave Logan some spare glasses – since the other seems to have been damaged from his episode – and went straight to Patton’s room.

Logan continued to hesitate, nerves and muscle tightening, lips dripping blood from his fangs biting it, scared to look at the person probably lying dead on the other side of the room, “hey, its going to be okay…” Patton continued to assure him and giving his shoulder a tight squeeze, “Virgil will forgive you…I know he will” and that was all he heard as he saw Patton open his door and they both entered.

Inside, Roman was sitting on a chair near the bed, head turned when he heard the door opened and saw the two walked in, “hey! Glad your back” he greeted. Patton returned a smile, “yeah, just needed to fix some stuffs before coming here, right Logan?” he looked back at his friend, frowning when he didn’t answer and watched as they walked towards the bed.

Logan couldn’t believe at what he’s looking at, Virgil sleeping soundly on Patton’s bed, surrounded by a lot of pillows and stuffed toys, neck covered in bandages…and a blood bag on the side connecting to his arm.

He gave a rushed, heavy sigh, seeing how still pale he is and how dark his eye bags were, it must have been an affect from the drain. He sighed again, looking away from his sleeping lover, “how long…?” he asked silently although still heard by the other two.

Both Roman and Patton looked at each other not knowing how to respond to their companion’s question. Roman sighed and looked at him, “2 days…almost 3” he said in a worried tone.

Logan clutched his fist and before he knew it he directly punched the bright baby blue wall – making a huge crate imprint – at his right. His breath shallowed, face burning in anger, but tears slowly coming down from his cheeks. His legs gave up and he dropped to the ground, little hicks and sobs coming out of his mouth.

Patton quickly dropping down and giving his friend a hug, reassuring them that everything was going to be okay, “I-I’m a m-monster…I’m a m-monster” Logan cried as he clung to his friend’s clothing, “no you’re not, you’re not a monster, Lo. You are anything but that” Patton continued and rub small circles at his back, giving him as much comfort as he need.

They finally settled in – Logan exhausted himself from all this emotional breakdown – cuddling at the seat near his two friends as he tiredly watched Virgil’s calm, sleepy state. He continued to blame himself, how much he wished he could go back and prevent this all from happening, how much he doubts Virgil will really forgive him, and how much wished he could have stop when he had the chance.

His mind stopped from his flow of thoughts when he saw movement from Virgil, “V…?” he whispered as he leaned forward to see if Virgil had really moved…and he did. He saw his fingers twitched and eyes scrunching. He saw them blink and he couldn’t help but smile a little… _Virgil was finally awake_ , “Virgil!!” Patton cheered as he kneeled at the bed side taking Virgil’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Virgil – finally eyes adjusting to his liking – looked around to see his friend, his roommate smiling at him in relief, “oh my goodness, I’m so glad your awake! You made us so worried kiddo…” Patton continued and stroked Virgil’s hand knowing the pale human was still processing the situation.

Virgil continued to stare at Patton’s worried gaze, feeling the coldish heat emitting from his hands. He worried them? But why would he…he finally recalled what happened, “L-lo…?” he asked in a weak voice, shooting back the same worried look at Patton, “w-where’s…Logan…” “he’s right here V…” he heard Roman say as he walked into his view, and he was right, Logan is just standing next to him making no eye contact and rubbed his arms nervously.

Virgil looked more concerned and tried to push himself up from the bed but was pushed back down by Patton, “easy now kiddo. Your still weak and I don’t think standing up right now is a good idea” he assured the human as he helped him lay back on the bed. Virgil couldn’t help but follow the vampire’s advice, but he still lay his eyes to Logan in concern noticing that he still didn’t make eye contact, “L-Logan…?” he tried calling again and finally the man slowly looked back at him, “salutations…Virgil” he said slowly but not making a step closer to his lover.

Virgil frowned, knowing the vampire blames himself for what happened. Slowly, he tried reaching out his hand for his lover to take and waited. Logan stared at Virgil’s out-stretched hand, still afraid of going near to his human, but as soon as he lay his eyes on Virgil’s face, his chest felt like it was stabbed by thousands of wooden stakes.

Virgil’s almost watery eyes were pleading for Logan to take his hand, for his lover to come to him. Logan could never say no to that anymore. He gently walked forward and cupped Virgil’s hand with both of his. Feeling his lover’s hand made him broke even more as he suddenly started crying again, “I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry love…” he whispered in between sobs.

Virgil smiled and pat Logan’s head, “sshh, it’s okay…it wasn’t your fault” he assured as he continued to glide his fingers in his lover’s hair.

Once Logan’s crying subsided, he slowly crawled on the bed and cuddled with his lover. Roman and Patton had already left the room to give the couple some privacy.

Logan was glad that his lover was still by his side and swears to his immortal life that he will make sure he won’t do the same mistake again.


End file.
